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Domestic violence and abuse

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What is domestic abuse?

In some families, parents sometimes argue or fight and may hurt one another. Domestic abuse is where one parent uses violence (hitting, punching, kicking or using weapons), or bullying (criticising, name calling, shouting), to hurt or control another parent. If you worry about arguing, fighting and violence in your family home you can get help. 

Is it my fault?

You are never to blame for domestic violence, it’s not your fault. Your parent or carer has a responsibility to keep you safe. They should:

  • protect you from harm, violence, abuse and neglect
  • take into account your wishes and feelings and allow you to have a voice
  • treat you with dignity and respect 

The person who uses abuse is always the one to blame for his or her behaviour. It is never okay to hurt another person in this way. No one should use violence or bullying to hurt or control another person.

What harm does it cause?

Domestic abuse can cause children in the family a lot of worry, upset and even be a danger to them. If this is happening in your home, or you know someone it is happening to, you will need to talk to an adult you can trust so that they can help you. This could be your parent, grandparents, another adult or a teacher.

How domestic abuse can affect you

Domestic abuse can affect you in many ways. It may lead to: 

  • feelings of self-harm
  • sadness
  • feelings of anger
  • emotional upset
  • guilt and shame
  • feeling like you want to run away from it all to get away
  • low self esteem
  • feeling isolated

You may experience one or all these things. The videos below explore how domestic abuse affects children.

Zoe's story

Teenspeak - what can we do now?

What can you do?

Domestic violence can be very frightening but you can get help. Do:

  • tell an adult you trust if you hear or see domestic abuse
  • speak to the parent you are worried about, if you can. Try to get them to agree that you need help from someone who will support you all
  • tell someone you trust straight away if you get injured or hurt as a result of domestic abuse. This is child abuse
  • leave the house as normal. It's better for you to be in places like school, where you are safe and you can get help

You should be careful. Don't:

  • get involved in fights. Try and stay calm
  • feel ashamed or blame yourself. It is not your fault. You are not to blame
  • try to stop bad things happening. You should not have to protect your parent

Who can you talk to?

If you are worried about domestic violence or abuse, you should try and speak to your:

What do I do if I feel someone in my house is in danger?

Ask an adult for help or call the police or ambulance on 999 if someone gets hurt or injured. You will need to give your name, address and number and tell them why you need help.

It's important that you stay calm, do not hang up and stay on the line until they tell you to hang up.

Who else can help me?

The NSPCC offer advice and guidance to help you understand child abuse. You can also telephone them on 0808 800 5000.

Childline is a helpline that provides help and advice for children that need to talk to someone about domestic violence and abuse. You can visit the Childline website or telephone them on 0800 11 11 .

Family lives provides help and advice for parents and families.

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